Maybe it's better to Wonder...
It has been 4 years since my mother passed away and even while growing up I wondered who my father was since my mother didn't care to give me many details about him. I think she was hurt from when I would as her yet I've only asked about 2 or 3 times. Hurt from what happened between them or the fact he wasn't around? I'm not sure. The few times I would ask she got upset and I though she was upset at me. Now that I think about it she may have been upset for several reasons.
I can't lie and say I'm happy about not knowing anything about him - I'm furious that he's never been around to help my mother or try to contact me. If your dead that's the only exception I'll take. If you've been living your life everyday knowing you have a seed that is your flesh n blood out there somewhere like its none of your business having no regards then I have every right to be upset.
I have plenty of questions to ask but with so much time that has gone by most may not be worth answering. I can't help but wonder if another family is out there - siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins. If I never learn anything else about my father or find him then it wasn't meant for me to know and that's okay. Maybe I'll find out something I wished I didn't learn but for now I'll just keep wondering.
